SAN ANTONIO – “The community is our family” is a phrase we should think of when it comes to domestic violence, according to Family Violence Prevention Services CEO Marta Prado Pelaez.
San Antonio knows the issue too well.
Nationally, one in four women and one in seven men will experience intimate partner physical violence at some point in their lives.
In Bexar County, it’s one in three women.
Pelaez said violence has become normalized in society.
“You may see someone slapping somebody else in the street. Sometimes in cars,” Pelaez said. “Call the police. Whatever the police do, you have done your share.”
The more convoluted piece is non-physical abuse or coercive behaviors.
“The screaming, the yelling, the name-calling, the ‘You’re an idiot. You can’t do this, you can’t do that. You cannot go here, you cannot go there. Who did you call? Let me take a look at your…’ Those are the coercive behaviors,” Pelaez said.
Intervention for coercive behaviors may look different.
“I’ve done it myself several times. I just go up to the person and say, ‘You don’t have to endure disrespect. There are resources out there. There are people who can help you,’” Pelaez said.
There is a big question to avoid in these conversations.
“Don’t ask her, ‘Why haven’t you left?’ It’s not the thing to ask a victim of domestic violence because I can assure you she has thought of it many many more times than you can ever imagine,” Pelaez said.
Instead, keep your words supportive and non-judgmental.
“‘I’m here for you. Please reach out. I will help you. I support you. I am with you.’ Give her a hug. Help her think of a safety plan,” Pelaez said.
Pelaez said to remember that it might be the second, third or fourth time you offer support that the survivor will finally take it.
Leaving an abusive relationship can be the most dangerous time for victims.
So be patient, keep following up, and stay brushed up on resources. It may save a life.
If you or someone you know is dealing with domestic violence, there is help for you. KSAT has a list of resources on its Domestic Violence webpage, which also explains how to identify different types of abuse.
If it’s an emergency, text or call 911. For wrap-around services including the Battered Women and Children’s Shelter, call Family Violence Prevention Services at (210) 733-8810.
You can also contact the Bexar County Family Justice Center which also provides wrap-around services at (210) 631-0100.